What to do when you like your job as much as you dislike your boss

I remember my first weeks at one of my foremost jobs. I was delighted by the opportunity, eager to succeed, and, at the same time, completely convinced that I’d be dispensed soon.

I liked every aspect of the company so far. The building was great, the structure promised career opportunities, and people excelled. However, I was underperforming, and that made me feel negligible.

To show you I’m not exaggerating, let me quote one of my colleagues who overheard the bosses talking about me:

I won’t lie to you. They weren’t being nice to you.

That was my situation, but, opposite to most cases when we don’t know why, I was 100% sure about my problem:

I disliked my boss. I couldn’t work with him. That absence of synergy between us was killing my performance, my chances to succeed, and probably my career.

What I mean by “Dislike”

You can dislike your boss in many ways, but we are not talking about them all in this article.

Let’s leave the extremes aside today because they are the easiest to handle.

For example, if your boss disrespects, insults, or abuses you, there is no doubt. Go to HR (or the Police), and don’t go back to the office.

On the opposite end, if you don’t enjoy your boss’s conversation or don’t share the same interests, just avoid spending social time with them.

For this article, let’s focus on the differences strictly related to the professional relationship:

• Confusing instructions
• Misinformation
• Asking for unattainable goals
• Lack of support
• Micromanagement
• Unfairness
• etc.

My problem was that my boss just shot things at me without instructions. I didn’t know how to do them (and honestly, where to start), I didn’t understand what or why I should do, and the person he designed to support me was utterly unresponsive.

That whole situation made me unproductive and dissatisfied with my job.

If you are in a similar situation, know the solution is simple. Unfortunately, I had no idea about how to do it by then.

Speaking up

A good conversation (or serie of conversations) is enough to improve the situation considerably.

It’s scary and hard to plan, but it’s also the best way to solve it. When I faced this issue, I felt so insignificant and scared that I didn’t say anything. I stayed quiet and just tried to do my best. That was a huge mistake for several reasons:

• The situation didn’t improve (I kept underdelivering)
• I was miserable
• I risked my career in that company

Although it took me some years and bad experiences to understand this quote, I can tell you it’s true:

If you dislike your boss and keep quiet about it, you’ll (sooner than later) dislike both your boss and yourself.

Staying quiet is not an option to solve this issue. Let’s dive into how to speak up constructively without worsening the situation.

Your opinion matters

The easiest way to think about this is by debunking a myth:

It’s not true that you must adjust to your boss’s working preferences.

We often think it doesn’t matter whether we like how our bosses work. We must accept it or leave. That’s far from the truth, and the main reason is that one of our boss’s responsibilities is to get the most out of his team.

So, it’s better for them to be interested in our preferences to improve our performance.

Taking that misconception out and knowing that your opinion is relevant makes it easier to start a conversation.

In order to plan it, my suggestion is:

• Identify the behaviors that are bothering you and its consequences
• List examples of when that happened
• Create a suggestion on how to change that behavior, but also consider that your boss’s objective for that behavior will be covered.

For example, in my situation, I should have come to my boss and said something like this:

I’m struggling to solve this requirement because I don’t fully understand what is expected from me, and I also don’t have the knowledge for solving it.
You told me to ask Peter for his support. However, I contacted him yesterday and today but he is too busy to help me.
Is it possible for you to spend some time giving me more details about the task and discussing the doubts I gathered so far?

If I had done this, my boss would have known that I had some issues, that I wanted to solve them, and that I was mature enough to understand the situation and how to work on it.

As I didn’t say anything, the inevitable happened. Although I wasn’t fired, I was transferred to another team.

Is this solution bulletproof?

Sometimes, that conversation is not enough. You and your boss may disagree. Even worse, you agree to change some behavior, but then nothing changes.

Only then, I’d recommend that you escalate the issue to a superior, ask to be transferred, or leave the company.

So, although it won’t work 100% of the time, it should always be our first attempt.