Stop blaming your job for your poor work-life balance (if you make any of these 5 mistakes)

I ended up at the cardiologist’s office a few times during my first years as an IT consultant.

I was a 24-year-old, athletic person without any responsibilities, occupying a junior position at a big company. And still, I was stressed. The doctor told me:

Doctor: You are suffering from stress. What’s your job?

Me: I work in IT

Doctor: IT is a very stressful job. You need to be careful.

Me: I don't get it. If I make a mistake, a program may not work. But if you make a mistake, someone may die. How can my job be more stressful than yours?

Doctor: …

His silence and the whole situation made me reflect. It didn’t make sense at all.

The same principle applies to most of our jobs.

It’s not the job that will determine our stress levels or work-life balance. But it’s us.

Of course, some jobs, companies, and colleagues make it easier than others:

When you work in a culture where people don’t respect each other, ask more than they give, and are always complaining, you must make a bigger effort to keep your balance.

But you are responsible for setting your boundaries, respecting them, and, ultimately, leaving that toxic environment.

It’s not fair to blame your job if you:

Spend time on other people’s priorities

You begin your day with a 3-item to-do list, but (12 hours later) go home with 6 items on that list.

Does it sound familiar to you? That’s the story of my life. I’m terrible at saying “No”, and end up postponing my activities to attend someone else’s priorities.

Although I enjoy helping others, I feel impotent when that affects my responsibilities.

Accept disrespectful behaviors

I’m sorry, but many people act horribly in the workplace.

You’ll find those who:

• Want to be always right
• Blame you for their mistakes
• Are aggressive
• Want to show their power
• Discharge their frustrations on others
• etc.

The truth is that those people push until they find a wall. And it’s up to you to build it. They will go as far as you let them, making your day miserable.

As the little bird of the story said, after the big one had pecked out her eye: “I’m not crying because he pecked out my eye. I’m crying because I let him.”

Keep your ideas to yourself

As Mark Twain said, We regret more the things we don’t do than the ones we do.

It’s common to let fear control us and stay quiet during a meeting. Sometimes, we are in the middle of a discussion for which we have a potential solution or want to understand the problem better. Instead of raising our voices, we stay quiet, fearing asking something stupid or proposing a ridiculous idea. We are afraid of harming our reputation, so we say nothing.

However, how do we feel when someone else speaks, shares what we’ve been thinking for a while, and everyone praises him?

Our everyday decisions make us less and less visible. Then, the raises and promotions go to someone else, and we feel undervalued. Our self-esteem goes down, and our rage goes up until deciding we must leave to receive the recognition we deserve.

Hide in your job to avoid facing personal problems

Who’s never had that colleague who came early and stayed late every day?

The malicious comments affirm that the man doesn’t want to see his family. Although that’s an old joke, there’s a big chunk of truth. People often use their jobs as shields, seeking protection against their personal problems.

You can guess it. They end up working too many hours and getting home constantly tired, which doesn’t contribute to solving their issues but to making them worse.

Underestimate your activities

“I need to deliver this by Friday, so working on it 2 hours each day will be enough.”

During the week, you spend time on other activities and dedicate 2 hours to that requirement, as you promised. However, it turns out that 10 hours were not enough. It’s already Thursday when you realize it, and you must stay longer the last 2 days of the week to meet the deadline.

You are letting your family, friends, or yourself down, staying late at work when you don’t want to, and could have avoided it simply by estimating better. That “I’m an idiot” feeling skyrockets your stress levels.

Conclusion

Although it’s undeniable that some jobs jeopardize our work-life balance, it’s our responsibility to make it a priority.

Blaming our jobs for our poor decisions is socially accepted but doesn’t make us feel any better.

Pay attention to these indicators the next time you find yourself justifying your unhappiness with your stressful job.